I dislike Vancouver.
I mean, it’s still my home city, it’s the only place in this world I’d call home, but I’m not in love with it anymore. No amount of clear blue ocean and mountain views can make me fall in love with this city again.
Whenever I tell someone I’m planning to leave after graduation, they’re usually shocked and ask why. I think a lot of people can see me living out my life in Vancouver and honestly, that’s not as bad as it sounds. There’s nothing wrong with staying in a city your entire life if the city is that damn good. My typical answer for wanting to move else where is “job opportunities and I’ve lived in Vancouver all my life, I want a change”.
That’s only half of it.
The real reason is the fact that Vancouver haunts me. Every inch of this city.
It’s the city where I got my heart broken, where I’ve messed up in so many directions, where I got friendships that are so tainted.
Nearly every place in Vancouver is associated with bittersweet memories with people that touched my life, one way or another.
I do want a change. But I want to “start over”. I want to leave all this behind and “begin again”.
I fear that I might not succeed in the new city. I fear that I won’t be able to find new friends or even a relationship in the new city. I’m afraid that I need help but I’m so far from my friends and family. I’m afraid that I’ll be homesick and start missing Vancouver again.
I don’t mind the struggle but I don’t want those fears to happen. I don’t want to return to Vancouver knowing I failed in “starting over”. I mean, in a way, I got nothing to lose. If I don’t succeed, I can always return back to Vancouver with support from friends and family.
My dream place would in New Zealand. Where? I’m not sure yet, but NZ.
A part of me wants to remain in Canada because, well, Canada is the best country in the world. If I choose to stay in CA, I’d choose between Edmonton and Nova Scotia.
My last choice would move down the America. Everyone knows Canadians got beef with Americans. If I ever do decide to head south, it’d be either Seattle or Portland (OR).
I got three years to think of everything. I got three years to see if Vancouver will be my home forever. A lot can happen in 3 years, a lot that I wish would happen but probably won’t. I don’t even know.