Letter #3 – Losing you is my life’s biggest regret

Dear Dee,

I know this is a long shot and you’ll probably never see this letter but I just wanted to get it out there.

You were my best friend growing up. You were there through it all and I threw away a decade of friendship over the dumbest reason – a boy.

I was young and immature. We both were. I was getting annoyed and blamed the fall of our friendship on you when I played a part in it as well.

I still remember that night vividly when I walked away from your birthday party. I thought I was defending my boyfriend but in hindsight, I was walking away from our friendship, and that boyfriend became my ex shortly.

I remember Joere and Farhad telling me that I should make amends, and they were telling me that you miss me and wanted to talk to me. But I just dodged your calls and texts. I felt so angry when I felt like you were talking about your boyfriend 24/7 and not acknowledging my feelings or how my day went. I kept on calling you selfish and making excuses to not amend our friendship.

I went through such a dark period in my life but I was too embarrassed and ashamed to tell you that Sukh and I broke up. I grew insanely envious and bitter that you were still with Farhad when I should’ve been happy that you found someone you loved so dearly. I was a shit friend back then.

I remember a few years ago, you haunted my dreams. I took Madison’s advice and sent you a message through Facebook but you left me on read. I don’t blame you but I was hoping you would message back asking for a coffee catch up or something. I miss you dearly.

You still haunt my dreams and I debate if I should reach out again. You moved on from our friendship, but I obviously didn’t. Losing you as my best friend is my biggest regret in life and I wish I could turn back time. I am so sorry for the way I treated you when I was insecure about myself and my relationship. You were my best friend; a great friend. You were always there when I needed you. You were my shopping buddy, my food buddy, my movie buddy.

I don’t know what you’re doing right now but I hope you’re doing well and happy. I bet you are now a strong and beautiful woman carving the best life for yourself. I hope you still think about our friendship once in a while.

And I hope that you could forgive my dumb, immature young self one day because if you ever gave me a chance for a coffee date, I’ll take it in a heartbeat.

9 thoughts on “Letter #3 – Losing you is my life’s biggest regret

  1. Oh man, this is heartbreaking.
    Especially the part that she left the FB message on read.
    Then you pretty much know who the status of the relationship is.
    I have been there been before, both with a friend and some stupid boy.
    Guess which case was more painful!

    I don’t think this is the end of it all however.
    Life can be full of surprises. One day you might meet, decide to go for coffee, have a long talk and realise that you were just silly youngsters back then.

    Like

      1. Couldn’t you somehow make it work to “bump into her” by “accident”. Maybe face to face it is easier to talk?

        Otherwise, why not send her another email.
        She will most likely take her time to respond and this will probably the worst period until you realize she probably never will.
        But also, allow yourself to be surprised by life ๐Ÿ˜‰

        Like

      2. Ah, our small group of friends disbanded shortly after high school so I honestly wouldn’t even know who to ask for an update, haha. Last I heard, she worked at a bank but that was a couple years ago too.

        I’m thinking of biting the bullet and shooting her another message. What’s the harm in trying one last time, right? I think it’d add to the guilt if I didn’t try once more!

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s