Long ago, I was on Tinder and had my first Tinder meet up which needless to say, it was the sole reason I ended up deleting the app. Now, keep this in mind though, I think a few years ago, Tinder was solely a hook up app – nowadays, I feel a lot of users are using Tinder to legitimately meet new people and potentially start a relationship. It’s practically normal to hear people on Tinder.

Prior to Tinder, I reactivated my account on OkCupid and that lasted less than a week. I don’t know what I was thinking because the dating pool was awful and only guys that I would never in a million years date would message me.

Behold:

 

Umm… first of all, you’re well over the age of what my profile said to message me. Second of all, I am more than an 8/10. Third of all, what kind of pick me up is that? Fourth of all, you’re really not my type. I remember cringing when I read his profile.

So, it’s safe to say that OkCupid is officially dead to me. A lot of my co workers talked me into getting on Tinder and I shared with them my previous experience and they reassured me that many users are now using Tinder to meet people and no longer an exclusive hook up app. He told me he came across a lot of female profiles that explicitly stated no hook ups.

I thought my co workers were bullshitting until I realized even the some of the guys’ profiles says no hooks up. It’s so strange that within a last few years, Tinder went from a shady hook up app to an app that genuinely is about meeting new people for hook ups, dates, hang outs, etc.

The guys I’ve chatted with are amazing. I mean, some are dull, some are not my type, and some are shitty, but nonetheless, my experience with Tinder is going great so far.

A little too… eager for me… and the last message? Cringe.

Back story: I matched with Dave and thought he was a pretty attractive guy and convo was going great so we decided to exchange numbers and agreed to meet up.

I took it upon myself to Facebook stalk him (He has an Irish name which made it 100000x easier) and saw more pictures and realized… eh. I know I sound very shallow but let’s be real – Tinder is based on a physical attraction match prior to personality.

Luckily, the day we agreed to meet up, he texted me saying he couldn’t make it which made me SO. HAPPY. SO. DAMN. HAPPY. Because I was dreading meeting him for coffee for the entire day.

As you can tell… he was still keen on meeting up, up until last Friday.

A few weeks ago, I texted Kendel telling her I agreed to meet up with Jonathan. Jonathan happened to be the guy after Dave and I told Kendel all about my dreading the coffee date and how thrilled I was that Dave cancelled.

 

I learned in today’s age, you can’t jump to conclusions so quickly and have high hopes in dating.

But, I’d keep you guys updated on Justin and Jonathan.
And whoever I end up matching with and having a great time.

Tinder is quite amusing.

Last weekend, my friend and I had a talk about relationship problems. It was refreshing to hear a guy’s perspective because it’s often times that women are in this predicament.

I’m sure you’re all familiar with this scenario. Where two individuals see each other but it’s not been defined and he/she is starting to give the other person mixed signals. One person seems to be giving more than the other. One person is starting to get confused and stressed out.

I’ve been on both spectrum of this scenario. I’ve been a victim and I’ve been the one that was “playing” the guy as well. Both is not a fun place to be, especially if you’re the one relentlessly chasing the other person.

From my experiences (and from my friend’s experiences), here are a few signs it’s time to walk away:

1. Their texts/calls is sporadic
Granted, we all work or go to school and have lives of our owns but if you start to notice that your “partner”‘s texts is now disappearing and you’re lucky to get even one text throughout the day, there’s an issue. Nobody is that busy to not be able to return a text. Yeah, it may take a few hours but at the end of the day, their texts come through and there’s a decent conversation going on throughout the day. If you know that individual usually has their phone on them and you sort of know what their schedule is like and you don’t hear from them for the entire day… well…

2. It’s always at midnight
… and when they do text you back, it’s near midnight when all you want to do is go to sleep. And when you do respond to their text, they disappear for another hour or so and get back to you when you’re already asleep.

3. Cancelled plans
They seem enthusiastic at first but when the time comes, you receive a text saying “something came up” and they ask to reschedule, only the rescheduling never happens.

4. Or really late plans
Or, they sometimes want to hang out at 10pm, 11pm or 12am. You know what we call that? A booty call.


5. You’re always the one initiating the conversation/events
If you look back at your texts and you notice that you’re the one always coming up with something to do or starting the conversation, that is a sign that you’re not on their mind as often anymore.


6. You know more of their excuses than you know of their week
I told my friend, if they really care about you, they’ll find the time in their schedule to see you. No one is ever THAT busy. Especially if they have time to go out with their friends on a Friday night.

7. There’s an elephant in the room
After a while, when you two do meet up, you feel there’s an elephant in the room but none of you guys want to address it and just live in the moment because after not seeing them for so long, you tell yourself, everything is ok. It’s not. When you’re with someone, it should feel nice, loving, comfortable, etc. There shouldn’t be any lingering doubts in the room or in the back of your mind.

8. Internally, you know what to do
You feel something about the “relationship” is off. You feel you know what you should do. Your tolerance is up with all their excuses and behaviours, but you don’t want to admit to reality. Your heart is telling you the truth but your mind is trying so hard to fight it off. Both your mind and heart should be on the same page.

9. You’ve started doubting already
My manager once told me, if you’re looking for a job already, you want to leave. My friend once told me, if you doubt [that t-shirt], you don’t want it enough.

So, I believe, if you’ve had doubts for a long period of time already, you know what you have to do. Yes, it’s natural to doubt your relationship and your partner once in a blue moon, but not to have it linger around you and affect your daily life.

10. You want more
You want more than what your partner gives you because you’re not getting the love you deserve. 

I’ve been on this end before and it sucks. But if you face reality, end it, and move on, it’s sooooo much better. You feel free. You feel refreshed. You feel motivated. You feel like nothing to holding you back. Yes, it’s going to hurt for a while, but it does get easier! And yes, it’s easier said that done, but trust me… you’ll feel so much happier.

Relationships are always troubling, but even if you found the “perfect” person, what good does it do if you guys aren’t moving forward? If you always have these lingering feelings in the back of your mind? I’d rather spend time with myself and meet someone that can progress with me in the long run than cause me this heartache and confusion.

I told my friend, if Obama has time for Michelle, she can have time for you. The biggest sign for me to stop chasing someone is their sporadic texts. I know because I use to ignore texts or take hours (and days) to get back to someone I’m not particularly fond of.

In the end, if you know that this “relationship” isn’t going anywhere… get back to reality sooner than later. Focus the energy on someone that can progress your career, life and/or ambitions. You shouldn’t waste your energy and time on someone that doesn’t want your love. There’s someone out there that can give you the world without the confusion.

Kendel has enough dirt on my dating life that if I ever had a biography written about me, she can probably write the chapters of my love life.

She and I have been talking about the men in our lives which got me reflecting on all the guys I’ve met in my life. You know, the ones that I’ve been in relationships with and the ones that I’ve casually dated.

And let me just tell you… it’s shite. I mean, don’t get me wrong, they’re great people, I wouldn’t date a douche, but in terms of how things ended up… it makes me question how I chose these guys to be in my life, haha.

+ “The High School Sweetheart”. He was good, attractive, kind, intelligent, etc. etc. buuuut he ended up sexting his ex shortly into our relationship, lied about it to my face, and then pulled a gun on one of my classmates in senior year, and nearly got me expelled. He got a bit clingy, and easily jealous. Yuuup. We tried to move past that and stayed friends until the end of 2011. We talked briefly last summer and went separate ways again.

+ “The Supervisor”. I thought he was charming and was moved by how motivated and ambitious he was; he was my supervisor at one of my previous jobs. He was sweet at first and later on to become a pig. He was abusive (physically, verbally, and sexually). During the time he got married and his wife was overseas, he was messaging me to meet up with him. I haven’t spoken to him in years and last I heard, he’s moved to Calgary.

+ “The Mama’s Boy”.  It’s important to me when a man respects his mother, especially as we get older. I can understand a man taking advice and suggestions from his mother, but ultimately the decision is not the mother’s to make. The Mama’s Boy crossed the line between what was sweet to cringeful. He had race cars on his bed sheet. He has a credit card that his mom pays off because he doesn’t work (and doesn’t watch his spending). He asks his mother for pocket money to go out. His mom dictates when his guests leaves the house because it’s close to “bed time”. At one point, he purchased a necklace for his ex but since his mom pays his credit card, she yelled at him for spending that much. Essentially, everytime I went out with him, it was his mother paying for everything. I’m not a gold digger or anything, but I find it unattractive for a man to not work and live off his mother.

+ “The 30-Years-Old Man”. That says it all. He was 30 and I was about 19ish at that time and God knows what was going on in my head at that time. He also had a micro-pee pee…. but honestly, he was 30, stuck in a retail job surrounded by teens. He had one course left, aka 3 credits left in his IT degree but refuses to go back to school to complete it because he “feels too old”… um, sorry but you’re already surrounded by youngsters! 30 years old, still lives with Dad, no savings, stuck at a dead end job, hangs out with teenagers, buys toys/collectibles and dines out nearly everyday. He broke his glasses and still uses tape to keep them together for the past several years.

+“The Heartbreaker”. He had the privilege to be the first to ever break my heart. That being said, he was my first love as well. We broke up because he wasn’t in a position to be in a committed relationship, and he needed time to “get his shit together”. We still talk and hang out and he has improved a lot since we broke up. He has been aggressive around me when he gets piss drunk and he’s been confusing at time (says this, does this, etc. etc.). We’ve been on and off for a while now. It’s confusing because no matter how many times we stop talking, he always kept my number and calls me again and we’re right back in a circle. Since we broken up, he hasn’t been interested in any other girl but me still. A lot of people who know about The Heartbreak and I will comment saying our relationship is just weird and confusing, (and sometimes stressful).

+ “The Irish Lad”. He was so attractive with his Irish accent and bright blue eyes, sweet as a pie, hilarious, and the first guy I genuinely liked (and started to fall for) after The Heartbreaker (and that’s saying something!). We didn’t work out because I’m planning to leave Canada, he’s on a working holiday visa and wants to travel Canada without being held down. It’s a shame because aside from The Heartbreaker, he was the only one I actually pictured a long term relationship with. I think the first person you like after having your heart broken means a lot. The Irish lad really cracked and bruised my heart. We still talk and see each other since we work together as well.

+ “The Guy Next Door”. He was literally my next door neighbourhood. He’s a recovering alcoholic at the age of 22 which a lot of my friends found impressive, telling me he’s serious about changing his life if he checked into rehab at an early age. He was great at first but slowly started to get too clingy (and somewhat flaky) on me. I need a lot of personal space and he was just invading it. 7 calls in a span of 3 hours? Umm, sorry… unless you’re dying, no thanks.

Again, this is not a bashful post. I don’t hate any of these guys, each one taught me something about life or about myself. They’re all wonderful people but their lifestyle and/or habits don’t fit mine. I don’t want a 30 years old man working a dead end job like a teenager nor do I want a mama’s boy but perhaps someone else don’t mind that lifestyle.

A takeaway from the men in my life? I either pick an aggressive one and/or the “I’m not in a position to date” one. It’s funny because you don’t know they are the type of guys that would do that to you until later on when you invested emotions in them. It sucks, but it’s life.

Right now, I don’t even know what I want in life. Regardless of how many dates I’ve been to or how many attractive guys I meet, I can’t find anyone worth dating right now. Oddly enough, I’m the one that’s not in a position to date right now. If we took the excuses of school and New Zealand aside, emotionally, I’m not ready. I feel like I’m still healing from The Heartbreaker and/or The Irish Lad, those two really did a good damage to my heart.

I don’t need time to reflect about myself. I know who I am, and I know what I want in a man. I know my dreams and goals for my future and I’m working towards them. But you can give me an ideal man right in front of me, and I’d still turn him away because I’m just not emotionally ready.
Or he’s not The Heartbreaker or The Irish Lad.
Love is such a complicated thing the older you get….

Or, maybe it’s just my luck and taste in the men I choose to date, LOL.

Guys, I ventured off into the world of online dating after reading about modern romance. And, to be honest, I don’t even know why…

I’m in a position where I don’t know what I want. I’m still talking to Sukh and Rob. My feelings are jumbled up and nowhere to be found for the most part. I distance myself from potential dates. Everything. I just don’t know what I want, if I’m being honest.

But, nonetheless, I hopped on to OKCupid to see what the dating pool is like.

And, at first, a lot of attractive guys were on there but their profiles were empty or their photos were too “professional” which leads me to think that OKCupid may have thrown in some filler accounts to attract female daters.

It’s been nearly two days since I opened my account, filled the details and uploaded my photos. And, my inbox has been filled with messages from guys that turn me off instantly.

I’d ignore your message if…

• You are under 22. My profile says message me if you’re at least 22 years old. I sometimes talk to 21 years old in case they got a late birthday, but for the most part, automatically deleting your messages if you’re under 22.
• You’re over 27-28. Similar to above, if you’re older than what I’m looking for, I don’t open your message.
• You don’t type properly. I’m not asking for academic paragraphs, but if you send me “wbu?” or “how was ur day” and “ur cute”, I think you need a dictionary, not a date.
• You ask dumb questions. If my profile says I’m still in school wrapping up my last few semesters… it means I’m still in school. Did you not read my profile?
• You can’t hold a conversation. If you constantly ask how my day is going and nothing else, bye bye.
• If your profile is empty and/or has no profile picture.
• If your profile picture is just… bleh.
• If you’re not my “type”. This may sound shallow, but don’t deny you don’t do this. I delete messages from people who I don’t find attractive and never will. I don’t have time to waste.
• Your profile is rude or plainly not what I look for in a guy. I’m not interested in cosplay, anime, or things like that. If you enjoy those hobbies, that’s great but I can’t do that.
• If your messages are too sexual.

I’m a picky dater, I’d be honest. But being picky is good. I’d rather hold out for someone I know I can have a future with rather than wasting my time meeting up with people I know would go nowhere.

Key takeaway?

Take good photos, use proper grammar and words, aaaaaaaaaand, read their profile!