Why I Ignore You on Online Dating

Guys, I ventured off into the world of online dating after reading about modern romance. And, to be honest, I don’t even know why…

I’m in a position where I don’t know what I want. I’m still talking to Sukh and Rob. My feelings are jumbled up and nowhere to be found for the most part. I distance myself from potential dates. Everything. I just don’t know what I want, if I’m being honest.

But, nonetheless, I hopped on to OKCupid to see what the dating pool is like.

And, at first, a lot of attractive guys were on there but their profiles were empty or their photos were too “professional” which leads me to think that OKCupid may have thrown in some filler accounts to attract female daters.

It’s been nearly two days since I opened my account, filled the details and uploaded my photos. And, my inbox has been filled with messages from guys that turn me off instantly.

I’d ignore your message if…

  • You are under 22. My profile says message me if you’re at least 22 years old. I sometimes talk to 21 years old in case they got a late birthday, but for the most part, automatically deleting your messages if you’re under 22.
  • You’re over 27-28. Similar to above, if you’re older than what I’m looking for, I don’t open your message.
  • You don’t type properly. I’m not asking for academic paragraphs, but if you send me “wbu?” or “how was ur day” and “ur cute”, I think you need a dictionary, not a date.
  • You ask dumb questions. If my profile says I’m still in school wrapping up my last few semesters… it means I’m still in school. Did you not read my profile?
  • You can’t hold a conversation. If you constantly ask how my day is going and nothing else, bye bye.
  • If your profile is empty and/or has no profile picture.
  • If your profile picture is just… bleh.
  • If you’re not my “type”. This may sound shallow, but don’t deny you don’t do this. I delete messages from people who I don’t find attractive and never will. I don’t have time to waste.
  • Your profile is rude or plainly not what I look for in a guy. I’m not interested in cosplay, anime, or things like that. If you enjoy those hobbies, that’s great but I can’t do that.
  • If your messages are too sexual.

I’m a picky dater, I’d be honest. But being picky is good. I’d rather hold out for someone I know I can have a future with rather than wasting my time meeting up with people I know would go nowhere.

Key takeaway?

Take good photos, use proper grammar and words, aaaaaaaaaand, read their profile!

10 Signs You Caught the "Feelings"

You know how when you have your first heartbreak, you feel as though you’ll never love again? Or at least, have trouble falling in love again?

Well, that was me a while back. While I have been in a couple of relationships, the most recent one hit me the hardest and literally broke my heart for the first time. It took me more than a year to finally get over him and during that time, I always thought… what if I’d always love him? What if I regret my decisions when I’m 90 years old? What if nobody can compare to him?

I’m in a sticky situation. Seeing as I have only one year left in Vancouver, I told myself relationships aren’t worth my time. I wear my heart on my sleeve so I can’t do casual flings and hook up. So, I told myself, no relationship for a year. Plus, I was still healing from my last breakup. I wanted to focus my time and energy on working and school.

One day at work, I met M. He’s an Irish lad currently on a 2 year working visa.

During the first few weeks, I noticed how friendly and close he was to me. I noticed the way he looks at me and the way he talks to me and shares his life with me. I talked to my cousin and she said go for it. Let my guard down and see where this goes.

So, after swearing off men for the year, I let my guard down and started falling for M.

This got a bit rocky and I was texting Sergio, “Did I catch the ‘feelings’? Like, legit, catch the feelings. As in, I think people call these things crushes”.

In which Sergio replied, “Yeah… sounds like you got the feelings. Hard. You’re crushing hard.”

I let my guard down waaaay too low and developed actual feelings. I thought it was all fun and games between the two of us because we have different life paths: I’m moving to NZ and he’s staying in Canada. But I crashed and I’m burning. M. feels the same way about me – he has feelings for me as well BUT he’s still healing from his previous break up as well and he’s still trying to figure out Canada. He told me, “When you’re traveling on your own, you just gotta watch out for yourself”.

My text with Sergio inspired me to write this post. It made me reflect on what it’s like to have a crush again and what it’s like to catch them ‘feelings’.

1. Your mood skyrockets faster than light whenever he’s around. Even if it’s just a 30 minutes lunch period, his presence makes you feel happy.

2. You get jealous because he’s technically not yours yet. I’m not the jealous type when I’m in a relationship BUT I do get jealous when I can’t have what I want. Some girls at work fancy M. as well and it gets me jealous when they’re talking about something they have in common because I know M. isn’t mine. Whereas, if he was mine, I wouldn’t care who talks to him about what.

3. You over analyze everything. Everything. The sentence that just came out of his mouth. His winky face in his text. The moment when he accidentally let ‘babe’ slip from his vocab. How he “accidentally” bumps into you. Everything.

4. Text messages means so much more now. Your mood can go up or down just by texting him. You love seeing his name pop up on your screen but get bummed out when he forgets to text you back.

5. Your days feel a bit off if you don’t talk to him. Even if it’s just a text message, it makes up your day. But 24 hours without hearing from him makes your days feel crappy.

6. His decisions affects your mood. He planning a boys weekend getaway trip? He decides to get a new job and no longer works with you? While it’s his life, you can’t help but feel but a bit unhappy and disappointed with some of his decisions. You know it’s for the best but some of his decisions still makes you feel upset or disappointed because changes are happening between you two.

7. When you remember little details about him. Like how his favourite colour is blue but he doesn’t coordinate everything to match blue. Or how some of his favourite artists are Fleetwood Mac and Dan Steely. And how he got that scar on his left arm, just above his elbow.

8. When he’s happy, you’re happy. When he’s in pain, you’re concerned. His emotions are reflected back into you.

9. How you want to spend every moment with him. I’m not a clingy type but when I have a crush, all I want to do is spend time with them until we’re more serious.

10. When you unconsciously bring his name up in every conversation and it’s written all over your face. You don’t want to talk about your crush but you find yourself doing it anyways. Like his name just rolls off your tongue and slips into the conversation… yet again. How how your expression reflects the way you say his name.

But, they call them crushes for a reason…

Or at least, in my case. My crush for M. is there but I know nothing will happen given our life paths. And, I don’t want to have my heart broken in Vancouver… twice.

Someone sedate me until I wake up with a degree, a one way ticket to New Zealand and a good lookin kiwi lad, please.

#needzmedicationtocuremyfeelingsasap

The Problem with 'Half Liking' Someone

You like the next person that comes into your life.

“Half liking” someone is dangerous.

You think you like them, but you’re not ready to fully jump into a relationship with him. You accept his habits and interests despite the fact that if someone else had them, you’d be turned off. He makes a great friend, someone you can hold a conversation and trust.

You wonder if he’s a rebound. I mean, if you didn’t consider him as dating potential, why now?

You get comfortable. You may have even daydreamed what it’s like to date him. You get bummed out when he doesn’t reply to your texts.

But, it’s dangerous.

It’s dangerous because the moment someone else walks into your life, you’d easily develop feelings for the new guy. Because “half liking” is like dipping your toes in the water. Yes, there’s a potential to jump into the lake once you get the feeling of the water and enjoy it. But, there’s also the possibility of jumping into the lake because someone else is in the lake. Not your special friend, just someone else.

Someone that has the passion and spark that your friend doesn’t. And probably would never have.

My friend once told me, if there’s no spark the moment you meet… there’ll be someone else to ignite you.

Too Close for Comfort (First Date Turn Off)

This happened once upon a time ago.

I met this guy, we’ll call him… Ian.
Ian and I hit it off very well. Conversation was flowing, no awkward silence, and mutual interests.

The first day we met, he ended up kissing me. A little bit by surprise buuuut what the hell, it happened. We agreed to go for a movie next week.

Fast forward a next few days we met up again on Tuesday. Keep in mind, this is our second time out together.

Like everyone else, the first thing we do is hug each other… that’s pretty common, I do that with a lot of my friends. And then he kisses me on the cheek :/ this makes me irk.

After purchasing our tickets, we were deciding which popcorn drink combo to buy. I was facing the boards, and his body was turned sideways, facing me.

Seriously, the next thing I know, he has his arm around me and starts moving closer to my face. Like, it looked like he was sniffing my hair and then trying to bury his face in my shoulder.

C’mon, buddy.. .we’re choosing a popcorn combo, NOT trying to get sexy time. I’m not oppose to PDA but it’s not the right time, you know? We’re trying to get food!

After the movies, we went to Chapters, a big bookstore. We got to the section where it’s a bit more empty because no one goes towards the New Age and philosophy section. Plus, it was late in the evening already.

So, I’m just browsing books when he’s behind me and literally starts putting his hands underneath my hoodie.

Now, let me tell you one thing. It’s cold, so naturally I wore a cami underneath my hoodie (normally I don’t wear anything) and tucked it into my jeans because the cami was longer than my hoodie.

THANK GOD FOR THAT CAMI FOR BREAKING THE SKIN TO SKIN CONTACT! He pulled away shortly when I moved to another section. Again, he comes up from behind, puts his hand underneath my hoodie, and starts kissing my ear.

Ugh, seriously, we’re in a PUBLIC BOOKSTORE. Not even a taxi! It’s not a “private” place or like a quiet corner at a club. We’re in a bookstore with people browsing for good books.

I told him no and he instantly pulls away like he’s just woken up. That’s want I noticed. Ian is like in a daze when he gets touchy and pulls away like he’s done something wrong.

This is a huge turn off for me. I don’t mind if a guy is touchy if we’re in a relationship. I don’t mind being touchy in public if it’s in a quiet/private area.

But honestly, second time meeting up and your hands are all over me? I would be extremely uncomfortable if I didn’t have my cami on. I cringe just thinking about the possibility of skin to skin at the bookstore.

Ian told me he’s a touchy type but I didn’t think he was THAT touchy. I was so embarrassed by the way he acted when we were in the theaters and can’t even imagine what the security cameras must look like at Chapters.

Sorry, Ian buuuut… being that touchy after knowing each other for only a 1.5 weeks is such a turn off!

And, when we parted ways, he kissed me a few times, it was even disgusting for me to do that in public. A quick kiss is okay, but ughhhh stop kissing me like 10 times just to part ways!

Things Relationships Has Taught Me

1. Value your current friendships.
Here’s what I believe – there’s no point in having a boyfriend/girlfriend, if you lose friends on the way. I’ve learned this the hard way. With my first boyfriend, I neglected a lot of my best friends but thankfully most of them forgave me. However, my ex-best friend neglected us to the point where she lost all four of us as friends and “can’t understand why”.

Don’t be like my ex-best friend. Learn to balance friendships and relationship and have them intertwine. Whenever I date someone, my best friends and my boyfriend will always meet and I include them on plans. I have friends that separate and never introduce each other. Personally, I don’t believe that and I think it’s unfair to both parties. I’m not saying that you should have to include both parties in everything you do, but it’s healthy to include both parties from time to time. It’s also healthy to spend time with your girlfriends with no mention about your boyfriend.

2. Learn when to walk away.
This is harder said than done but trust me on this one. It’s better for your own heart and soul to walk away now than to endure a bigger pain in the future. I wish I knew this in my older relationships. From then on, I respect myself more. If a guy decides to lie or cheat, I’d walk away. I don’t need someone like that in my life to “love me”. A little white lie is acceptable but a full on lie with a shit excuse is another. Cheating should never happen if both people are committed to each other.

Don’t settle for someone that can’t even respect you enough to tell you the truth and to keep his hands off another girl.

3. Learn to compromise.
I’m not saying you should also to agree with your partner 24/7. In a relationship, you have to value the other person’s wants, and it’s not always about your wants. If you guys had sushi last week and your partner wants pho, go to pho. Don’t argue about it, just go with the flow. However, that doesn’t mean you should accept everything he wants. If he wants to have a stripper giving him a lap dance for no special occasion and you feel uncomfortable about that, let him know.

4. Love Yourself First
There’s a popular saying, “You can’t expect someone to love you if you can’t love yourself.” I believe that wholeheartedly. I’ve been with people who were extremely insecure and it’s a big turn off. I have insecurities but not to the point where I’d hate myself and doubt myself. Learn to love yourself – spend time discovering who you are, pamper yourself, be alone for a while.

5. Be Independent
There’s nothing more than I hate to see a girl that’s extremely dependent and clingy to their boyfriend. If you’re that clingy, I believe you’re not ready to be in a relationship. Not only does it make you look clingy/attached, it suffocates your significant other. Being independent doesn’t mean I don’t need help and support from my boyfriend. It means I don’t need him to show my with expensive gifts on a daily basis, it means I don’t need him to tag along when I do grocery shopping or when I’m invited to a birthday party that he doesn’t want to go. Being independent is attractive, trust me. But, if your man likes to feel wanted, don’t be tooooo independent ;).

What are some of the lessons you’ve learned from your relationships?

Letter #1 – An Open Letter to my Ex

 

Dear what’s your face,

You’re a married man. We haven’t talked for a few years since I cut you out of my life, and to be honest, I have no desire to keep in contact with you.

So, when you were off getting married to your “soul mate” whom you’ve just met a few months ago, I’ve been living on with my life and having a relationship of my own. My own soul mate.

I understand that your new wife is still out of the country, but that doesn’t give you an excuse to start texting me.

I don’t appreciate your efforts into getting back in touch with me. I don’t appreciate you calling me “hun” in your messages, or telling me to have “wet dreams” when you bid me goodnight. I don’t appreciate you dropping off instantly when I refuse your advances to meet up – why do you message me constantly and the moment I say no to your request, you flat out ignore me for a bit?

I’m not a home wrecker and never will be – especially if it comes to you. I don’t plan on ruining what I have going on in my life. I don’t plan on ever seeing you again, or “meeting up” with you again.

It’s not that I hate you, I’m actually indifferent about you. I know you don’t have the right intentions, and probably never will.

I’m happy you’re no longer in my life. The thought of you bring a horrible pit feeling to my stomach. You bring thing ball of negativity into my life that I really don’t need or miss.

So, for the sake of your own marriage and your lovely wife, please stop sending messages to hook up. I’m not down for that shit. I have too much to lose for just one single night.

Sincerely,
Your uninterested ex.

7 Tips for Getting Over a Break-Up/Heartbreak

 

It’s not life if we don’t experience a few break ups and heartbreaks here and there. While there are some break ups that are for the better, majority of our relationships we have in life usually leaves us heartbroken, or perhaps, just a bit gloomy for a while.

I’ve had my fair share of break ups, and I had my first heartbreak last winter. I didn’t have anyone to talk to (or, I didn’t want to) which led me to become depressed and even had suicidal thoughts. I felt my heart aching and it felt like it just broke into a million pieces. I felt so lost without him and I honestly felt like I didn’t want to live in this world. I didn’t even want live in the same city as him anymore.

One of my best friend is going through her first heartbreaking break-up. It’s been about a week already and I worry because she’s spiraling down, similar to what I was going through. She’s taking two Advil a day just to numb the pain. I had prescribed painkillers during the time of the break up but I knew if I took one, I’ll want to consume the entire bottle in one sitting.

The same advice I gave to her, I’ll be sharing it with you. Most of these got me through my break-ups.

1. Cry it all out
Letting it all out is the best way to start your healing process. I did it alone in my bedroom, mostly at night time when nobody would bother me. I mean, I didn’t want my parents and my brother to find out how upset I was over the break up. I cried, and I cried. For how long? I can’t remember but trust me, it wasn’t a day. I just let everything out into my pillow before going to bed.

2. Surround yourself
Surround yourself with people, your loved ones. Surround yourself with hobbies, activities, events. Being with loved ones and keeping busy allows your mind to not think and dwell on the break up. It makes you feel much more productive and loved. Whenever I had alone time, my mind would slowly trek back to the break up, which led me back to square one. Heading out and reestablishing my relationship with friends helped me a whole lot. I didn’t have to tell them why I felt so upset, and they didn’t pressure me to tell either.


3.  Delete him/her off everything
As soon as I had my heart broken, I deleted him off my phone, my Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, everything! I even got rid of our messages together and photos. Messages and photos can bring back strong memories and emotions that will hinder your healing process. By deleting him/her off everything, you don’t have to know what’s going on in their life, who they’re seeing, how well they’re doing, etc. etc. Out of sight, out of mind.

4. Clean out your room
Along with deleting him/her electronically, throwing away physical items such as gifts, pictures, movie stubs, etc. goes along with it. Some people like to keep such items, but for me, I gave everything up because I knew I couldn’t see or wear anything “The Boy” used to give me. To me, keeping the gifts felt like a constant reminder of losing someone I loved.

5. Go on casual dates
I’m not saying to jump back into the dating pool or meet new people as soon as you guys break up, but if you feel like you’re ready to just meet new people, go on casual dates. It doesn’t have to be serious, something like a coffee trip in the afternoon. Meeting new people makes you feel like there is someone out there for you after a break up. Meeting new people also means getting out and moving onto a new chapter in your life.

6. Get a make-over
This isn’t about proving to your ex that he just lost someone smokin hot, it’s about healing yourself. When I got my heart broken, I changed my look by starting wearing daily make up and dying my hair. Simple changes like a hair cut can change your mood in a positive direction.

7. Don’t ask about him
If you guys have mutual friends, don’t ask him about. Don’t talk about him. If your friends ask you about him, tell them you don’t want to talk about it. You don’t need to explain yourself to other people. You don’t need to see how he’s doing or how he’s moving on. You don’t need to know if he’s seeing someone new, or anything. Just leave it alone.

8. Get away
Go on a road trip! Get away for the weekend! I felt that leaving the city behind, even if it’s just for a day, felt amazing! I was surrounded by good company, making new memories in a new city, and experiencing new experiences. Leaving the city behind with memories of your loved one is such a refreshing feeling. And trust me, by the time you get back, you wouldn’t be too worried about your ex anymore.

Heart breaks are one of the worst things in life but trust me, you’ll get through it. You’ll realize that there is someone else out there in the world for you. It takes time to heal and in the end, it’ll be worth it!

Hang in there πŸ™‚