Guys, I'm on Tinder

Long ago, I was on Tinder and had my first Tinder meet up which needless to say, it was the sole reason I ended up deleting the app. Now, keep this in mind though, I think a few years ago, Tinder was solely a hook up app – nowadays, I feel a lot of users are using Tinder to legitimately meet new people and potentially start a relationship. It’s practically normal to hear people on Tinder.

Prior to Tinder, I reactivated my account on OkCupid and that lasted less than a week. I don’t know what I was thinking because the dating pool was awful and only guys that I would never in a million years date would message me.

Behold:

 
I don’t even know what crossed his mind when he thought he could possibly land a date with an intro like that… I mean, are you 16 years old or something?

Umm… first of all, you’re well over the age of what my profile said to message me. Second of all, I am more than an 8/10. Third of all, what kind of pick me up is that? Fourth of all, you’re really not my type. I remember cringing when I read his profile.

So, it’s safe to say that OkCupid is officially dead to me. A lot of my co workers talked me into getting on Tinder and I shared with them my previous experience and they reassured me that many users are now using Tinder to meet people and no longer an exclusive hook up app. He told me he came across a lot of female profiles that explicitly stated no hook ups.

I thought my co workers were bullshitting until I realized even the some of the guys’ profiles says no hooks up. It’s so strange that within a last few years, Tinder went from a shady hook up app to an app that genuinely is about meeting new people for hook ups, dates, hang outs, etc.

The guys I’ve chatted with are amazing. I mean, some are dull, some are not my type, and some are shitty, but nonetheless, my experience with Tinder is going great so far.

A little too… eager for me… and the last message? Cringe.

Back story: I matched with Dave and thought he was a pretty attractive guy and convo was going great so we decided to exchange numbers and agreed to meet up.

I took it upon myself to Facebook stalk him (He has an Irish name which made it 100000x easier) and saw more pictures and realized… eh. I know I sound very shallow but let’s be real – Tinder is based on a physical attraction match prior to personality.

Luckily, the day we agreed to meet up, he texted me saying he couldn’t make it which made me SO. HAPPY. SO. DAMN. HAPPY. Because I was dreading meeting him for coffee for the entire day.

As you can tell… he was still keen on meeting up, up until last Friday.

A few weeks ago, I texted Kendel telling her I agreed to meet up with Jonathan. Jonathan happened to be the guy after Dave and I told Kendel all about my dreading the coffee date and how thrilled I was that Dave cancelled.

 
Isn’t it wonderful to have such a great friend that doesn’t want you to end up single with 14 dogs?
I was actually excited to meet with Jonathan. We went for coffee and grabbed a quick snack and chatted well over 2 hours. I’m hesitant that it most likely won’t work out because I’m not Asian enough for him (he’s got yellow fever, haha). His face completely fell when I told him I don’t speak Chinese at all. He did invite me over to build a London bus with him with nano blocks sooo we’ll see how that goes.
Just a few days ago, I agreed to meet with Justin. 
Oh boy, let me tell you about Justin…
(Is it me or is there a trend with J’s? Will I be one of those cliche couples that has matching initials?!).
Justin is a software developer (hullllozzz) with wonderful bright blue eyes like the sky – and I’m a sucker for coloured eyes. We met at Steamworks and chatted over dinner.
My friend,  a Tinder expert, told me to avoid guys without a biography in their profiles because it usually means they’re douches and want a hook up. I took the whim anyways and swiped right. In addition, Justin and I barely talked for a week when we agreed to meet up and if you went through out conversation, we never talked about ourselves, just random shit. 
I was about 1/10 hesitant in meeting him because I didn’t know anything him. Nothing at all, not even his job.
Anyways, to my surprise, Justin and I clicked on very well
As in, as someone that LOVES history, photography, travels, sushi, castles, space, horror films, etc., etc., Justin loves them as well. Insane, eh? 
What are the chances? Justin is the first guy to ever share so many interests with me. It’s so refreshing to geek over cameras and express my love and interests in Medieval torturing techniques and not be seen as a geek or creep.
The only thing we disagreed on was snow and snow activities. I hate snow and skiing/snowboarding.. he loves them. 
If I’m being honest, Justin is probably the only one I’m interested in seeing again.

I learned in today’s age, you can’t jump to conclusions so quickly and have high hopes in dating.

But, I’d keep you guys updated on Justin and Jonathan.
And whoever I end up matching with and having a great time.

Tinder is quite amusing.

Why I Ignore You on Online Dating

Guys, I ventured off into the world of online dating after reading about modern romance. And, to be honest, I don’t even know why…

I’m in a position where I don’t know what I want. I’m still talking to Sukh and Rob. My feelings are jumbled up and nowhere to be found for the most part. I distance myself from potential dates. Everything. I just don’t know what I want, if I’m being honest.

But, nonetheless, I hopped on to OKCupid to see what the dating pool is like.

And, at first, a lot of attractive guys were on there but their profiles were empty or their photos were too “professional” which leads me to think that OKCupid may have thrown in some filler accounts to attract female daters.

It’s been nearly two days since I opened my account, filled the details and uploaded my photos. And, my inbox has been filled with messages from guys that turn me off instantly.

I’d ignore your message if…

  • You are under 22. My profile says message me if you’re at least 22 years old. I sometimes talk to 21 years old in case they got a late birthday, but for the most part, automatically deleting your messages if you’re under 22.
  • You’re over 27-28. Similar to above, if you’re older than what I’m looking for, I don’t open your message.
  • You don’t type properly. I’m not asking for academic paragraphs, but if you send me “wbu?” or “how was ur day” and “ur cute”, I think you need a dictionary, not a date.
  • You ask dumb questions. If my profile says I’m still in school wrapping up my last few semesters… it means I’m still in school. Did you not read my profile?
  • You can’t hold a conversation. If you constantly ask how my day is going and nothing else, bye bye.
  • If your profile is empty and/or has no profile picture.
  • If your profile picture is just… bleh.
  • If you’re not my “type”. This may sound shallow, but don’t deny you don’t do this. I delete messages from people who I don’t find attractive and never will. I don’t have time to waste.
  • Your profile is rude or plainly not what I look for in a guy. I’m not interested in cosplay, anime, or things like that. If you enjoy those hobbies, that’s great but I can’t do that.
  • If your messages are too sexual.

I’m a picky dater, I’d be honest. But being picky is good. I’d rather hold out for someone I know I can have a future with rather than wasting my time meeting up with people I know would go nowhere.

Key takeaway?

Take good photos, use proper grammar and words, aaaaaaaaaand, read their profile!

Book Review: Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg

Title: Modern Romance
Authors: Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg
Pages: 277
Published on June 16th, 2015 by Penguin Press
Links: Official Website, Goodreads, Indigo! Chapters, Amazon CA
Summary: Comedian Aziz Ansari takes a complete look on how romance became modern in the world of technology and a new generation. He analyzes the habits of young daters in the hook up world, the apps and websites connecting all of us, and the trends of dating using a smartphone (or any technology/app). There is no longer a “traditional” romance in this era; it’s a modern romance.
Review –
We all know who Aziz Ansari is, right? He’s one of my favourite comedians right now and to find that he released a book this summer, I had to jump on it and grab a copy myself… and it’s by far one my favourite reads this year. Modern Romance is the first novel (to my knowledge and excluding academic papers) to focus on the new relationship between the dating world and smartphones.

How many of you guys tried online dating via a website or an app? How many times have you stared at your phone hoping your crush would call you by now? Text you? How many of us have sent nudies? Nearly all of these trends began only recently (aside from calling) with the increase of technology usage.

Ansari describes these new trends on dating, “modern romance”. Gone are the days we marry our next door neighbours by the age of 19. Gone are the days of “kind men” and date nights. Gone are the days of “traditional” romance.

Mixing his comedic skills, this light read proves all to real in the dating world. Now, note that although Ansari is a comedian, he did put a lot of resources and dedication into conducting his studies for this book, and co-written it with psychologist Eric Klinenberg. So, don’t brush this off as another silly comedy book – it does have some psychology to it.

Through his studies, the two authors shares real life experiences of the dating scene with technologies. He touches base on apps such as Tinder and Grindr, and sites as OKCupid. He analyzes why we take ages to reply to messages, or how some guys come off as rude. Ansari even provides tips on how to text. He explains the transition from traditional to modern romances. He even talks about marriage and arrange marriages.

The novel provides a humongous insight on the dating habits our generation has developed thanks to the usage of our mobile phones. He reflects on dating habits of our generation, eg. putting careers first or waiting until we’re in our 30s to get married.

It’s funny to realize that what we do individually isn’t so insane. It’s a habit, or a reflex that smartphone users developed overtime. Dating in this age is different, and some may say it’s harder than the previous generation.

Regardless, all of us fall under the “modern romance” generation now. If you’re one to use “non-traditional” means of finding love, or more interested in how our generation finds love and approach the dating scene, I definitely recommend picking up Modern Romance. It’s insightful and guarantee to make you laugh!

I picked up the audiobook version which was read by Aziz, himself. If you’re looking for a different experience, try his audiobook. It’s 10x more hilarious than the book since Aziz adds his own commentary and personality.

Rating – 5/5

*Disclaimer: This review was not sponsored by Penguin Press or Aziz Ansari/Eric Klinenberg. It is also not sponsored by any of the corporations the links above leads to. The purchase made for this review came out of my own pocket.

Seeing Your Ex on a Dating Site

This brings me my first ever online dating site experience… that wasn’t even on my own account.

One of my good friends, MJ, created a profile on Plenty of Fish and because POF was created in Vancouver, there are a ton of Vancouverites on it.

Here’s the thing about MJ’s situation. She’s an international student and wants to experience a Canadian boyfriend (am I the only one that thinks that’s odd??) before she leaves the country after studying. However, our school is so tight-knit, we’re like a family which feels odd to be dating within the school. And, a lot of the student population is international students and hardly any North Americans.

So, MJ and I met up at Starbucks before class and she confined in what she has just done. She’s one of the few people that knew I broke up with The Boy so she suggested I give this a try too. I told her I wasn’t ready for another relationship but I wanted to hear about her experience. I was fascinated with online dating, so to have someone with an actual profile to play with was like a kid on Christmas day!

MJ’s search criteria age was from 20-35; I’m not sure if that was the default or not. She showed me a few messages from guys that were talking to her and together, we sort of just browsed profiles.

In that short amount of time browsing before class… I have stumbled across old high school classmates, co-workers, and most shockingly, an ex.

Curious, I checked out a few of those profiles, and it was so weird to see these guys saying they’re actively looking for a relationship. Reading their bios and preferences was odd – I mean, I considered some of these people as brothers so it was just… bizarre!

I checked out my ex’s profile – that was probably even more strange. He had about 7 pictures up with bios, statues, preferences, ideal dates… sooooo, soooo, soooo strange. He’s actively looking for a relationship too and from what I’ve heard, he has trouble finding “the one” after me (and even before me, he had trouble too). I thought it might have been an old profile that he stopped using, but he had pictures from 2013 Holiday dinners and last logged in about a week ago.

But regardless of my little stalking spree, I realized, I can never sign up for a local dating site because I’m afraid and embarrassed that someone I know will find my profile. Would I ever consider doing it if I wasn’t in Vancouver? Of course. I’m planning to move into a whole new city so meeting someone would be nice (assuming I’m ready to date again).

(I hope I don’t get bad karma for laughing and stalking profiles).

I’m not going to lie though… there were a lot of cute and good lookin boys available, hahaha. I kept pointing them out to MJ so she could send a message or something, but I guess she’s too shy to do anything when I’m eyeing her screen like a hawk. I bet you anything she sent them when she went home… πŸ˜›

Have you ever… stalked guys on a dating website?
Woooow, when I just typed that I felt like a creep.

Online Dating

First of all, let’s start by saying I’m not in an online relationship or considering online dating. I’m interested in what people think about online dating. This topic came to me when I was watching Border Security and this American woman had an online relationship with a man in Calgary and was flying there to meet for the first time.

It’s drawn to me that finding a relationship via online dating sites has been growing and growing on a daily basis that it’s common to hear couples say they found each other on (insert dating site). Statistics shows that 1 out of 5 marriages were found on the internet.

The only person I’ve ever known to tried a dating site was one of my high school friends. She invited him to a birthday party and when I asked how the two of them met, my friend let out an embarrassed giggle and said “We met on Plenty of Fish!” I nodded my head, slightly shocked but nonetheless, not judgemental. She later went on about why she tried online dating (she got out of a long term relationship with her high school romance) and how she finds it’s fun and comforting. The two didn’t last very long and I don’t know if she’s still using POF. A close friend of mines signed up for a dating site but closed her profile instantly when she got uncomfortable with the amount of men messaging her.

Now, I’m going to come out and say that I’m not the luckiest person in the dating department. I have my fair struggles of finding a boyfriend (when I’m looking) but I’ve never considered an online dating profile. 

I know it’s extremely common now and no longer a taboo, but I find it extremely uncomfortable to list myself on a social network for dating. I feel like I’m selling myself. My biggest fear is having someone I know (regardless of how long we’ve known each other) see my listed profile. Or even have a creepy (God forbid a murder) encounter with the man.. you know, those horrifying date stories that appears on CSI.

But, congratulations on those that found love on the internet. Especially those that’s found a marriage! I think they’re brave to ignore all possibilities and list themselves up on a dating site. I think they’re happy too.

Right now, I may not consider a dating site, but who knows. I could end up focussing too much time on my career that later down the road, I do need to sign up for a dating site.

If the day comes, I’ll let you guys know πŸ˜›

Any of you ever tried a dating site? Or know someone that did?