Letter #3 – Losing you is my life’s biggest regret

Dear Dee,

I know this is a long shot and you’ll probably never see this letter but I just wanted to get it out there.

You were my best friend growing up. You were there through it all and I threw away a decade of friendship over the dumbest reason – a boy.

I was young and immature. We both were. I was getting annoyed and blamed the fall of our friendship on you when I played a part in it as well.

I still remember that night vividly when I walked away from your birthday party. I thought I was defending my boyfriend but in hindsight, I was walking away from our friendship, and that boyfriend became my ex shortly.

I remember Joere and Farhad telling me that I should make amends, and they were telling me that you miss me and wanted to talk to me. But I just dodged your calls and texts. I felt so angry when I felt like you were talking about your boyfriend 24/7 and not acknowledging my feelings or how my day went. I kept on calling you selfish and making excuses to not amend our friendship.

I went through such a dark period in my life but I was too embarrassed and ashamed to tell you that Sukh and I broke up. I grew insanely envious and bitter that you were still with Farhad when I should’ve been happy that you found someone you loved so dearly. I was a shit friend back then.

I remember a few years ago, you haunted my dreams. I took Madison’s advice and sent you a message through Facebook but you left me on read. I don’t blame you but I was hoping you would message back asking for a coffee catch up or something. I miss you dearly.

You still haunt my dreams and I debate if I should reach out again. You moved on from our friendship, but I obviously didn’t. Losing you as my best friend is my biggest regret in life and I wish I could turn back time. I am so sorry for the way I treated you when I was insecure about myself and my relationship. You were my best friend; a great friend. You were always there when I needed you. You were my shopping buddy, my food buddy, my movie buddy.

I don’t know what you’re doing right now but I hope you’re doing well and happy. I bet you are now a strong and beautiful woman carving the best life for yourself. I hope you still think about our friendship once in a while.

And I hope that you could forgive my dumb, immature young self one day because if you ever gave me a chance for a coffee date, I’ll take it in a heartbeat.